End of the World

I often wonder how it is that people experience weather like we have in Oklahoma recently and don't wonder if there is some "master plan" happening here.  The weather bounces up/down/up/down, people are sick, well, sick, well, but no one ever thinks that maybe it's just Earth's way of killing us off.  You did watch "The Happening", yes?  Is it so strange to think that a person who writes a script for a movie might know something you don't?  Don't get me wrong..i'm not buying vienna sausages by the case or twinkies as I found out in ZombieLand that they last forever, but I do often wonder if there are "signs" right in front of us and we pay little attention.  Sure, OK sits on a huge fault and sure we have earthquakes all the time, but when do we have them so strong that I start having some sort of Exorcist moment when my bed is shaking.  Levitating, no, but shaking as if maybe this demon is a small one and not able to make the bed rise off the floor......lol. 

This weekend we watched Planet of the Apes and i'm thinking to myself as i'm watching it how if you ever sit and look at a monkey, ape, gorilla, it appears that there is some diabolical plan happening behind those eyes.  Do they throw poop, sure, but maybe it's part of the plan.  We say to ourselves "stupid monkey" and they are thinking "soon...very soon". 

Everyone jokes, takes quizzes, etc. about surviving a zombie apocolypse yet there is an actual society of people who know it will happen and are preparing for that to happen.  Is that as strange as playing dungeons and dragons....maybe?  But, are they someone I might want to know when/if it actually happens???  ABSOLUTELY!!!

All i'm saying is that if you have a free moment, maybe you "reflect" on what you see happening around you......maybe, just maybe someone knows something we don't.....what are the odds of that, right? 

Last Diet, I Swear.....

I was telling my hairdresser yesterday about my current diet.  Her response after only cutting my hair about a year "girl, you've been on so many diets since i've known you".  GREAT!  That just means that i've failed at so many diets since i've known her.  There are many things I can be successful at; keeping the family where they need to be, paying bills on time, keeping the laundry done, and knowing where everyone else's things are in the house when they don't put them in the "spot" they belong.  Dieting, not so much!

I did Weight Watchers once and dropped some good weight with that, but it was tough and it took most the motivation that I could muster.  I think I did that after looking at pics of myself in Mexico the first time Scott and I went.  Notice, those pics are NOT on facebook.  Then last summer I did a bootcamp for several months..did not lose lbs, but lost inches so was feeling good.  But, that too finally was more than I wanted to handle.  I see how so many people are overweight because let's face it..it's just easier.  Easier to drive thru somewhere and get something yummy than to buy the groceries and come up with it at home after cooking 45 minutes.  Who has 45 minutes or an hour each night after work to cook something?  Not me!  This year I even thought if I paid myself off i'd be able to do it so I made a deal with Scott that if I lost 20 lbs I could get a puppy.  He agreed and 2 months into the year I was over it...

Now we are in May.  I once again decided something MUST be done.  I started on what I am calling my "last diet" and today I am in such pain that when I answer my phone I make a little squeaking noise because it hurts so bad.  :-) 

WISH ME LUCK!

My Addiction - Pizza

I have often wondered how it is that people are SOOO addicted to chocolate.  I mean, on occassion i'll have a candy bar, but generally it's for what is inside the chocolate and not really the chocolate covering.  People talking about eating ANYTHING that is covered in chocolate and how chocolate is better than sex.  Don't get it.....then as i'm driving by a Mazzio's billboard the other day all I could think about was pizza.....and it hit me.....my addiction is not chocolate, BUT I am definately addicted to pizza, so now I get it. 

I could eat pizza every single day.  I think about it, I see billboards and I immediately want to get on the phone and order it.  It is the one thing that I can not beat.  In any and every diet i've had, pizza has overcome.  And as we all know they don't really make a good diet pizza.  A piece of cardboard with fake cheese does not cut it when you are a pizza addict any more than a Tootsie Roll cures the crave for real chocolate (this is for Scott because he will not eat a tootsie roll claiming they are fake). 

I kid you not when I say that I can sit with a large pizza and devour the entire thing.  I may feel physically sick after, but it does not stop the craving and need to continue to eat it.  I want it when i'm sick, when i'm sad, when i'm happy, when the sun is out, when it's raining.....in any given situation I can eat it.  Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner...with maybe a couple of pizzas for snacks.....

My favorite is Pepperoni, Mushroom and Black Olive.....thin crust...light sauce.....hot and cheesy and melty and delish!!!! 

As I sit here typing about pizza all I want to do is order one and eat it now!  My husband and my children don't even desire pizza anymore because we have ordered so much.  You know how pizza used to be the big deal...hey, you guys want pizza....YEAAAHHHHH!!!!  Uh..not so much at the Jarvis Estate......it is so bad that the other day I ordered pizza and chased Scott around the house to leave so he could go get it.  He just was not going fast enough! 

So, should anyone ever hear of a pizza intervention, you will probably see my face......

Smiling

Today, i'm driving into work and I see these baby goats...they are running around like little nuts and I laugh.  Goats are ugly...they are funny...and the baby goats, well they are sooo funny.  I then begin to think "what makes me smile".  I mean, as most of you know I have my positive days and I have my negative days.  And as badly as I want can not be glass half-full all the time and I HATE THAT!  I know people who could be in the most miserable of situations and still talk like life is the greatest.  Maybe they are on meds.....  :-)  That is the only thing I can come up with for why they are so DANG HAPPY! 

Things that make Tonya smile:

-Pizza...a good ol' hot pizza with just the right amount of cheese/sauce can do the trick everytime. 

-Giggling...Kimery giggling when I tickle her.  The belly is the worst but she still falls for the ol' SugarBowl.

-Silly Laugh...Caitlin has developed this silly goofy little laugh she does when she cracks herself up.  Last night it was over some show she watched where they put icy hot in a guys underwear and his "business" was burning.

-Sunshine...how can you NOT smile when the sun is out?  Just sitting in it, feeling it on your skin.  Watching it from a window, maybe not, but hearing the kids laugh in it, hearing the lawn mowers going, pools, drinks, cookouts.

-My Husband...you know this man...he lives to make me happy.  He is funny and sweet and loves to buy me prizes.

-Home Movies...I laugh, I cry, but either way i'm smiling when I see videos of my girls when they were small or of my mom with Caitlin when she was a baby.

-The Cats...when we got cat #2, we thought for sure that this would not work out, but these two are a mess.  They sound like a herd of elephants running up and down the stairs after each other.  They stalk, they jump, they play....funny stuff.

-Jaws, Amityville Horror AND Terms of Endearment on TV all in the same weekend.  Back to back would make me happier, but hey, I don't control that piece.

-When my girls say "thank you"...generally after we've done something for them or taken them somewhere.  To hear them say it means that maybe they appreciate it as much as young girls know how to appreciate things.

-Seeing Kimery Ride a Bike...after the whole broken leg experience it really rocked Scott and I.  But to see her just hop up there like nothing ever happened (well with her shin guards on and all), brings me joy.

-Pool Days at Dads....love for all of us to be outside together, swimming, hanging and talking. 

-Clean House....when I finish my Saturday house cleaning ritual (you have no idea HOW ritual it is), I feel my whole body take in a deep breath and let it out.....a weight is lifted and I feel like smiling.

-Good Grades...when the girls come home with an accomplishment from school or a good grade and they are so proud of themselves.  How can I not smile at my smart baby girls?

-The Girls...this is pretty much a given. Although they are responsible for a few frowns as well, nothing is better than my girls.

-My friends laughing....if I can tell friends a funny story and have them giggling, I smile.

These are the things that make me smile.  I'm sure there may be a few others, but I am kind of grouchy, so maybe not.  :-)



Missing :-(

So, i'm driving to work today and one of the few songs that can turn me into a total ballbag is on..."You're gonna miss this" by Trace Adkins.  Depending on what "time of the month" it is, really determines if I can make it through the whole song without ruining my mascara.  Luckily, today was a day I could get through it.  Because I don't think I have many friends who listen to country, the song basically has a father singing to his daughter about the "crazy" times in life (growing up, having kids, etc.) and how at some point she is going to "miss this".  I use the song sometimes when Scott is cranky with the girls...walk through the house singing the chorus to him over and over. 

"You're gonna miss this....
you're gonna want this back...
you're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast...
these are some good times,
so take a good look around...
you may not know it now....
but you're gonna miss this".  LOL! 

And she digresses....

I listen to the song and it's like a home movie in my head.  The girls small, me wishing that they would be ready for solid foods, could sit up, could walk, could pee in the potty, etc., etc.  Now I have two girls...12 and 7 who can basically run the house if need be.  And with their current ages I still have the desire to see them continue to grow and mature and MOVE OUT!  Because that is what i'm supposed to want, right?  Not really. 

As they have gotten older I catch myself never wanting them to leave.  I tell the girls they can "live with me and have babies and we can all live together".  Kimery looks at me like i'm insane because she is "going to have a husband, but we will live next door to you".  Inside, I want her to stay.  Caitlin's initial response which reminds me of a 12 year old Tonya "i'm not having kids".  Inside, I still want her to stay even without giving me grandbabies.  Glancing at my husband I can see in his face that he is planning the purchase of an RV and maps for us to get out and roam about the country together free and clear of our adult girls.  :-)  Inside, I want my girls to go with us in the RV. 

I am always imagining the future.  Grown girls, married, kids (if they want), all of us having holidays together.  But, then that dang song comes on and I want the world to stop.  I don't want to close my eyes one day and wake up and it's 3 years later, 5 years later, 9 years later and i'm wondering where my babies are. 

I have always been an independent person and I think I have shown my girls how to do the same.  I want them to grow and achieve and be wonderful women who have established themselves in life.  I am hoping that i've done enough that i've earned that "spot" with them where they are not tucking me away at some home somewhere, but today I know that "i'm gonna miss this". 



Towels

If your a parent of multiple children...especially girls, there is no end to what they will fight over.  My recent experience...bath towels.  In most cases this would lead you to somehow believe that maybe I only own a couple of towels, so the fight is who gets one and who is using a washrag to dry themselves.......and although that is a pretty funny assumption (as i'm imagining Kimery standing there with her chunky little body holding a washrag over her privates), it happens to not be the case.  The girls have PLENTY of towels.  A closet full of them.  Except that my small bodied children require larger towels so they can dry themselves and then throw and even larger soaking wet towel onto the floor.  In an effort to alleviate my anger at picking up the towels, I hung some towel hooks right beside the tub/shower, so that all they had to do was reach over and hang it after their bath/shower.  Caitlin has decided that in order to "know" which towel is hers she will hang it on the shower.....not approved by the towel police. 

With my childrens need for large bath towels, I purchased 8 of them.  4 blue, 4 purple because I have to match their bathroom...it's just the way things are.  Last night there were 2 blue towels hanging on the 2 towel hooks.  Simple math...2 children, 2 towels, 2 towel hooks.  Caitlin was in a rage because somehow Kimery mistakingly or just in not giving a crap which towel she used must of used Caitlins towel!!!!  HOW DARE SHE!!!!  Somehow when Kimery reached for a blue towel she was to know which one is Caitlins.....she is to have a special towel sense I guess.

I bet your on the edge of your seat reading this to find out my solutions...right?  :-)

So, you may have noticed that the girls have two colors of towels....purple and blue.

Last night in my rage at these two little nerds who are fighting over towels, I assign them a towel color (which I think is absolutely ridiculous).  They are to use ONLY their color.  There...problem solved.  Well, this particular towel issue....the fight over using a towel more than once is my next challenge.  Now I will spend my days praying that they remember which color is theirs because as of right now, I have no clue what I assigned...

         

The "gift" of becoming a woman (Men...read at own risk)!

As the mother of a pre-teen daughter, I have not mentally prepared myself for what is to come in the next year or so.  I have done what I thought I could by being open with my girls about what it means to have a period, what will happen to them, etc.  But, after listening to my pre-teen last night read to me a small book she received from school about starting puberty, i'm challenged with how to explain to my daughter that when it happens it is a "Blessing"! 

As she's reading things from this book, it's explaining how as she starts puberty she will begin to grow hair under her arms, leg hair will get darker/thicker and she'll get hair in the nether-regions.  Hmmm.....man, that sounds fun, right?  Now you get to shave your armpits, legs and make sure that your bikini line is trimmed.  Fun, fun!  Then it goes into how without exercise and good nutrition she could gain weight more easily.  Again, what a blessing it is to be so thin and then realize that now that your a WOMAN you can get fat much, much easier.  Still reaching here for something that makes her glad she's going to be starting her period!  She reads me a piece about how your skin and hair gets oily.....come on!  I know the purpose of the book, but you HAVE to give this kid something that is going to excite her going through all these changes.  Tell her that she will be able to have xray vision or something!  So, basically she has hair she doesn't want, she can get fat more easily, she's going to be oily and greasy, AND she will be moody and cry at the drop of a hat.  Wow......sounds like something I wish I could relive over and over again.  Slowly the reality of what is about to happen is sinking in and by bedtime i'm rolling around anticipating a lot of challenges I thought I was prepared for because let's face it, i've done it, but trying to convince her that i'm here for her, and that we can talk about this stuff because I have been through it, just is not somewhere she wants to go.......at least not yet.

This leads me to a funny story that i've shared with some of my gal friends before....again, if your a man and your still reading then your a glutton and I have no sympathy for you.  When I was 14 my girlfriend and I had planned this great day at BIG SPLASH!!!  You know, when Big Splash was so awesome and as a pre-teen girl you could go there without your parents staying and run around all thin and cute in your little bikini and check out all the boys.  Well, the day before we were to go, I started my period.  Now what?  There was no way we could cancel, I mean that would be the biggest disappointment of the year.  So, she and I walked to the Walgreens down the street to buy my first box of tampons.  There was a boy checker, so I had to go find a woman to ring me up because it was just TOO devastating to do that in front of a boy!!!  I take my box to the bathroom and begin to read the instructions.  Looking back on this moment makes me smile, but as i'm reading how I need to lay on the floor, put my leg up on the tub or toilet, turn my head to the right, close one eye, you get my drift here, right?  As this is going on and I am totally freaked out, my mom is knocking on the door to see if I need "help".  Really?  Help?  Yes mom, come in and look at me naked and help me put in this tampon.  I know now as a mom who is soon to face such challenges that she was probably as lost as I currently am and just wanted to help me make it through this whole transition.  Somehow, I got it to work and Big Splash here we come.  Spent the day at Big Splash, and when it was time to get out of the wet clothes, I could not wait to take this thing OUT.  But, I could not find the string.  Being in the water it had washed up my crack, and I wasn't searching for it so I thought it had fallen out in the pool somewhere.  I was mortified!!!  My tampon was swishing back and forth in the wave pool and someone would find it and they would somehow KNOW it was me.  Later in the day of course the string appeared and I could squash all of these really stupid thoughts, but hey..when your 14, what do you know?  No one told me it couldn't fall out!  Now, I think about those directions on how to use it and laugh hysterically.......

So, I guess i'm about to be on an interesting ride and i'm hoping that my kiddo as she transitions realizes somehow that becoming a woman IS a good thing, although i'm not sure why just yet other than the fact that you have now come into your ability to torture men and get what you want.  HA!