Missing :-(

So, i'm driving to work today and one of the few songs that can turn me into a total ballbag is on..."You're gonna miss this" by Trace Adkins.  Depending on what "time of the month" it is, really determines if I can make it through the whole song without ruining my mascara.  Luckily, today was a day I could get through it.  Because I don't think I have many friends who listen to country, the song basically has a father singing to his daughter about the "crazy" times in life (growing up, having kids, etc.) and how at some point she is going to "miss this".  I use the song sometimes when Scott is cranky with the girls...walk through the house singing the chorus to him over and over. 

"You're gonna miss this....
you're gonna want this back...
you're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast...
these are some good times,
so take a good look around...
you may not know it now....
but you're gonna miss this".  LOL! 

And she digresses....

I listen to the song and it's like a home movie in my head.  The girls small, me wishing that they would be ready for solid foods, could sit up, could walk, could pee in the potty, etc., etc.  Now I have two girls...12 and 7 who can basically run the house if need be.  And with their current ages I still have the desire to see them continue to grow and mature and MOVE OUT!  Because that is what i'm supposed to want, right?  Not really. 

As they have gotten older I catch myself never wanting them to leave.  I tell the girls they can "live with me and have babies and we can all live together".  Kimery looks at me like i'm insane because she is "going to have a husband, but we will live next door to you".  Inside, I want her to stay.  Caitlin's initial response which reminds me of a 12 year old Tonya "i'm not having kids".  Inside, I still want her to stay even without giving me grandbabies.  Glancing at my husband I can see in his face that he is planning the purchase of an RV and maps for us to get out and roam about the country together free and clear of our adult girls.  :-)  Inside, I want my girls to go with us in the RV. 

I am always imagining the future.  Grown girls, married, kids (if they want), all of us having holidays together.  But, then that dang song comes on and I want the world to stop.  I don't want to close my eyes one day and wake up and it's 3 years later, 5 years later, 9 years later and i'm wondering where my babies are. 

I have always been an independent person and I think I have shown my girls how to do the same.  I want them to grow and achieve and be wonderful women who have established themselves in life.  I am hoping that i've done enough that i've earned that "spot" with them where they are not tucking me away at some home somewhere, but today I know that "i'm gonna miss this".